for a lot of the last year i have been struggling with post natal depression ... the worst of it probably for about 2/3 months last year ...
from my experience, before i suffered from depression, i had very little understanding of it ...
for me depression equated to constantly getting up on the wrong side of bed (hence the post title) ... i actually recall one day when i was feeling rather lousy, heading back to my bedroom, getting back into bed and hoping straight back out on the other side ... i just thought it was worth a try ... (actually in hindsight i mustn't have completely lost my sense of humour)
my lowest point was mid last year after we got our puppy ... baby bear was not even one year old and i was just starting to get on top of things ... the puppy was like the fourth child that i just wasn't ready for ... hindsight is a wonderful thing, and it really was a silly decision on our part ... but a silly decision we had to make ... as it forced me to deal with my underlying depression ... after a couple of months we had to sell our puppy, and it was one of the hardest things we had to do ...
to give you a picture of what my world was like, here are some of the symptoms of my depression ...
- i struggled with poor self-image, low self esteem, sleep disturbance and feelings of helplessness ...
- i felt that i was forever failing as a parent and a wife ...
- i had no motivation to socialise and became very anxious at the thought of going to social events ...
- i didn't smile or laugh a lot ...
- making simple decisions became hard ...
i kept telling myself i had nothing to be depressed about, i have a wonderful husband, 3 beautiful boys and we were all blessed with good health ... i never stopped loving my family or regretted being a mum ... but it was just like a constant cloud hanging over my head ... i really felt unexplainably miserable ...
the biggest and first step, was for me to acknowledge that i was suffering from depression ... that way we could make positive steps to work through it ... i was always open and honest with my husband about my feelings, and he never made me feel silly for the way i was feeling ... these are a few of the changes we made in our lives:
- i started going to the gym 2/3 times a week after hubby got home, just as some down time ...
- i took st johns wort ...
- we worked hard towards a positive attitude ... this may sound silly given the situation, but it made a huge difference, just stepping back and trying to think and react positively to situations ...
it's been a really good couple of months ... it's been nice to be getting up on the right side of bed for a change ;) ...
this is just my story ... there are a lot of people who suffer from different forms of depression, and the roads they travel will be different to mine ... i don't propose to have any answers, just to share my story ...
Thanks for sharing Alyssa and i am thankful that God has helped you through!
ReplyDeleteI just read my morning devotional and it was in relation to trials God puts on our plate to draw us ever closer to Him. Id like to share the poem that the author put at the end -
Trials make the promise sweet;
Trials give new life to prayer;
Trials bring me to His feet,
Lay me low, and keep me there.
Love Candy
Hi Alyssa,
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you!! That must have been a big step to come out and tell people but good on you! I admire you for it. It's not an illness or failure on your part - it's a chemical inbalance in the brain. But with choices and leaning on God you can manage it better and looks like you have done wonderfully! Keep it up Alyssa and keep doing the wonderful job that you are doing! xx Sandra
thanks for the comment and poem candy ...
ReplyDeletehi sandra ... thanks for the comment and encouragement ... you're right it wasn't easy to write and post about this ... but i feel i am in a really good place to be able to talk about it ... and if there is just one person who reads it and as a result doesn't feel isolated and alone, i would be happy ...
ReplyDeleteI've written about five different comments and then deleted them. Just wanted to say and let you know that WOW, you are amazing with words and God has given you that gift. Thank you for sharing and I'm sure you have helped someone in their struggles. It's nice to know we are never alone. So glad to hear that you had the support you needed to get thru.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your intimate thoughts on what you have been through. Depression can be such a lonely place and I am so glad you have come out the other side. Life is so overwhelmingly hard at times isn't it. May God continue to give you strength....one day at a time. God created the world day by day and He made each one of those days beautiful. He then gave us, His children, a day at a time to live by. He didn't give us a week and say there you go now deal with a week or a year, now deal with a year. No, a day at a time. What an example for us hey...face each day with all its decisions trials and happiness and make it beautiful and then the next and then the next and make each day count. You know if the only good that comes out of our trials is that it has drawn us closer to God then that is the best outcome possible....take care and may God continue to bless you with the strength to get through each day xo
ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa
ReplyDeleteIsn't it great to know the Lord will never give us more then we can bear(although we may not realise it at the time!) Thanks for sharing and may God continue to give you and Murry strength!
Love Michelle
A beautiful post Alyssa. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I've had some depressing days here and there - it's a terrible thing to have to go through - especially the helplessness and guilty feelings. Isn't it a great comfort and encouragement to know our Awesome God is always there holding onto us - we just need to hold onto Him.
ReplyDeleteLove Christine xx